


Five Months, Month II, Hinata Version

by Cautiously_Dauntless



Series: Five Months, Hinata Version [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bullying, Child Abuse, Fights, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-11-19 20:45:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11321397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cautiously_Dauntless/pseuds/Cautiously_Dauntless
Summary: Continuation of Month I. Hinata begins to struggle more with his friends, and the angst ramps up (hopefully)





	1. Others Can Hide Too

**Author's Note:**

> ayyyyyyyy lmao sorry it took me so long to update

###  **Scene  I: Others Can Hide Too**

 

“ _ I think it would be neither friendly nor correct to call him a full-on liar _ ,” Tsukishima’s voice bursts out in my head. “ _ He’s a secret keeper. _ ”

_ So he said two minutes ago, when I was in the hallway, coming back here: the classroom. And if he’s talking about me, then he’s right: but I think I’d still have to call myself a complete and utter liar. _

“I think I’m going to have to break my promise.”

My gaze shoots up at Kageyama’s voice, pencil stopping, a kanji character only half finished. Is he talking to me? Is he finally going to interrogate me? Is he finally going to break down this glass cage?

But no.

He’s in the door frame of the classroom, looking outside, and the profile of his face wears a dark, intense expression. Stormy eyes, jaw set, back tense, instantly identifiable as the most unapproachable being in the room as everyone else continues their animated chatter. For a split second, I can see the King of the Court. Right then, I can see the territorial lion and the icy heart set to fire by a cold, angry passion. 

_ Who’s he talking to? Whose promise is he going to have to break? _

For a moment he just stares out the door, probably having a heated mental conversation with whoever he’s talking to. Maybe it’s Kimura? He very well could have promised something to the volleyball club and then wasn’t able to fulfill his promise, that could have easily put him into a bad mood. 

_ But why the intensity? _

Then he unfreezes, sweeping across the room with slow, deliberate steps, taking his seat two rows to my left. If he had a cape and a red lightsaber, I could have easily called him a sith lord. Even though he radiates less tension now as he bends to his bag, I can feel the fumes of stress and anger oozing out of him. 

Darth Kageyama.

Feeling as vulnerable as a wounded deer, with my insides screeching like a banshee, I stand and approach, leaving my half-finished copy of Yachi’s notes and my notes on my desk. 

I take a breath. “Kageyama?”

He looks up, taking his own notebook and handouts from his bag. “Hinata? Is something the matter? You look worried.”

“Huh? No, I was worrying about…” I trail off at his look. I gulp and hunch over as I finish. “About you?”

He scowls slightly, and I think about running away and abandoning ship. But he doesn’t roar or yell. “Oh, I was talking to, uh, Tsukishima and Kimura. Aoba Johsai last minute cancelled our practice match tomorrow.”

“N-not to be nosy or anything… but what promise were you talking about when you came in?” I carefully watch his face. 

He jolts, but his nervous stature is gone as soon as I notice it, so quickly that I can’t question him about it. 

“I promised the team that we’d have that practice match,” he says almost too quickly. “And we spent a lot of time preparing so I’m really pissed that they let us down.”

He bends down to his bag to get an eraser. 

I guess I was right, then. “Why’d they cancel?”

“Gym maintenance,” he says without elaboration, and then the bell rings. 

I retreat to my seat.

_ Is he hiding? _

When I turn around, I see his thumbs rapidly moving across the surface of his phone. 

_ What’s the fiasco? Was there something I did? _

But then the teacher calls on me do some reading, and I am forced to turn away from Kageyama and his secrets.


	2. Deception

###  Scene II: Deception

 

BANG.

“Mother, please!” I scream across the kitchen as both limbs and papers fly around me, glass paperweights getting shoved off the table clattering on the ground, along with all the sake and whiskey bottles that have been left there for weeks on end. “Don’t-- Don’t do this!”

But my strangled cries have no effect on the rampaging beast that is my mother. 

I can barely tell that my breathing is coming in quick, short bursts of my panic. My mother keeps going, however. 

_ Mom, stop.  _

Every few seconds she sits down and slams her fists down on the table, only to get up and pace, a gloomy aura hanging over her while she rakes her hands through her messy hair. I jump when she swipes at the table, scattering the contents everywhere, all of this happening in less than three seconds. 

The broken glass tinkles over the once white tiles, and with each and every step either of us takes, our slippers drag, making a tiny channel behind us. If we were to take our shoes off, this small protection gone, and our feet would be bleeding before we could even take two steps. 

“He’s gone, for god’s sakes, he’s gone!” she sobs, waving around an empty rectangular bottle of what used to be scotch whiskey. She drops it. I barely have time to scramble across the room and catch it before it lands and shatters on the ground. 

Careful not to fall and cut myself on broken glass, I quickly drop the bottle in the recycling bin. “He’s gone!” She screams again.

She’s talking about Dad. For the past two weeks, my mom really has been taking the brunt of the loss of her husband. The full impact, the full realization, alike to the feeling I had when I realized that Kenma and Lev had actually died in that damned car crash. 

She makes a grab for Natsu. I swat her hands away before the predator gets too close to the prey. “No! Not Natsu! Don’t touch her,” I push my younger sister away, behind me, and she stumbles into the hallway and runs in the direction of her room. I hear the slam of a door. Good, she’s safe.

Instead, Mom grabs me by the shirt. “I’ll take whoever I want, Shoyo.”

But now this insane creature has got me-

No. I can’t think like that. She’s my mother, she is the best, I have to respect her, always. I can’t allow myself to call her something like that.

“You won’t,” I say, knowing that this will only stall her. But the words I say next fall out in my panic. “You’re only going to hurt me. You’re not going to hurt Natsu, and later today you won’t touch Kikutake. Just me. Only me.”

She sighs drunkenly. “The only person I’ve hurt is your father.”

This stops me dead in my tracks.  _ No, he’s not the only one you’ve hurt. You’ve hurt me, you’re indirectly hurting Natsu, everyone I care about is hurting. Even Kageyama, because I can’t tell him what you’re doing to me. _

Because I’m not good enough.

“Please stop this,” I say in vain, my lip trembling. “Stop all of this now.”

“No.”

“He’s gone. He’s not coming back,” I blink back tears, trying to pretend that she didn’t just dismiss my pain for the irrelevant pain of my stupid, absent father. 

“I swear that if I ever find him--”

“You’re not hurting him,” I blurt, stuffing away my pain. I’ll deal with it later. “Only me, Mother. It’s just you and me now. Forget about everyone else,” I trail my fingertips up my bare arms, scarlet lines standing out where Mom’s nails got me earlier. “C’mon. Calm down.”

She doesn’t care. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t care.

My voice gets higher as I let the tension back in, as I let the invisible ropes be pulled tighter again as I let the air itself weigh my shoulders down. 

SHUT UP, ME.

“I won’t hurt you,” she says. “Because I haven’t hurt anyone other than your father. Other than Kikutake.”

She comes forward and for a split second I think that she’s going to hug me, but instead, she shoves me away and punches me in the gut before I have time to prepare myself. 

All too soon, I can’t breathe. I’m winded. I barely have time to catch myself on the wall before I fall on the glass-ridden floor. Blearily I look up to watch her drink more whiskey, and she sets the bottle down. 

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. 

She doesn’t care. No one cares. 

I sigh. 

_ Shall I let her go? _

I put water in half of the liquor bottles as a last resort, and this is the first time she tries it. But I don’t wait for her to realize. As her back faces to me, her confusion visible on the sliver of face I can see, I march across the room and give her a hard smack in the head, knocking her out. 

I catch her and drag her to the side, sitting her down on a chair next to the table. As I let my erratic breathing even out, I rub the hand I hit her with my other hand.

I have no time to think about what I just did. Now I have to take care of Natsu. I’ll have to bear the punishment for this later. 

But I stop. 

No. This isn’t right. I cannot have the blood of my mother on my hands.

Shame fills me, threatening to spill over like too much water in a glass, threatening to become tears. What have I become? I have just harmed my mother, I have just imprisoned my sister… and in the name of what? Protection? Justice? 

No, no, no.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. 

I should be able to find another way. 

Inadequate, formless, that is the shape of my solution right now. This… this deceit, this treason… by this world’s higher powers law, they cost me my life. I have sinned.

I have sinned.

Silent tears start to flow, but I drag the back of my hand across my cheeks and eyes. 

Remember what you said. 

Stay to your own creed;  _ when that time comes, I can’t be weak. I absolutely  _ _ cannot _ _ be weak. _

I steel myself, closing my heart. “Natsu,” I call. 

Silence. 

“Natsu, it’s me, Shoyo, I’m saying it’s okay to come out now,” turning my back to my mother, I see the door to Natsu’s room slowly open. “Mom’s out cold,” I say, quieter this time.

Natsu glances up and down the short hallway before scampering over. “Niisan?”

I hug her to my chest, an invisible weight dragging it down from the inside. “You remember what I told you on Sunday, right? About tonight?”

Ignore this pain. Please, but ignore it for a little while. 

Her face lights up. “We’re going to see the meteor shower?!”

“I wouldn’t break my word about that,” I give her a small, fake smile as she buries her head into my chest. “I’m sorry that Mom’s this way.”

I’m sorry that I can’t fix this. I’m sorry that this is all my fault.

“The Magic will come back,” she says, sure of her resolve. “You said this will take time. So I’ll let it take time.”

My heart aches even more with my lie. “Yeah. The Magic will come back.”

We both go silent, and I wipe the tears from my eyes. If only I could tell Mom what she’s done. If only I could tell Natsu that magic isn’t real. If only Kageyama wouldn’t overreact if I told him these things. If only I could tell Dad about this.

But he’s too far away.

They’re all too far away.

I sigh and gently let Natsu go, she does the same. 

“Do you know where Mom’s phone is? I think I should call Kikutake if we’re going out. He’ll wonder about Mom, and I don’t want to spoil their date,” I force out a chuckle and turn in a circle. “Mind if I have you start cleaning this mess?”

She eyes the patches of broken glass and the scattered papers. “Yeah. I can do that. I think that Mom’s phone is in her room.”

“Alright. I’ll see you in a few.”

The tears start to fall as soon as she turns away.  _ You’re not enough, Shoyo. You’ll never be enough. _

Walking slowly down the hallway as if in a funeral march, I hear the clink of bottles as I finally, finally exit the room.

I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to muffle my pitiful sniff. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im shit

**Author's Note:**

> will try to update soon


End file.
